What is it about death?
Even uttering the name feels like a whisper, a secret traveling along the corridors of an old mansion.
It is something we all recognize, and encounter, yet it is so unfamiliar to us.
Death makes us feel vulnerable, insecure. It lurks with an all knowing presence, stripping us of our dignity of knowledge. Death is...scary. It looms over us. Sometimes we are aware of its presence, and other times it chooses to take those without a warning. One breath we are here on earth, our souls warm and conscious in our living bodies, and the next we are gone. A shell. Our souls traveling to our eternities.
How is it that we can be so familiar with something yet know so little about it? Death is the one thing in our lives that is so common, yet it is still a tragedy.
I think what bothers us the most about death is the finality of it. A goodbye is hardest when you know that you will never get to say hello or goodbye again. But what about those deaths that are sudden?
Those stories are ended abruptly. It reminds me of the Sopranos cliffhanger episodes where they would end mid sentence and just go black. Except this time, there is no new episode next week. Or next year. The people are not leaving on a long visit. They are not necessarily even fatally sick (although that can be worse), but they are gone. Those deaths can be the hardest I believe. The ones that we have to cope with that 'they' are simply not coming back.
Death has been especially common it seems lately. People always seem to go around the holidays. I think it has something to do with family usually, and being together, or lack there of. But nonetheless, the world in this month of December has seemed especially sad. First, the Newtown tragedy happened and in the same 24 hour span, one of my assistant principals passed away suddenly. What seemed more ominous was that I had seen him at a restaurant that night, and even taken a picture of him. His death especially stuck with me. I was not particularly close to him but I had seen him and talked to him hours before he died. There was nothing I really could have done if I had been able to go back in time really, but I still think about him often.
His death has made me wonder ABOUT death. What happens? Why we are chosen to die when we die etc? But more so about how we interact with people. How we interact with each other. I technically was close to one of his last interactions outside of his family and friends that were with him. And this was not the first time that I have had an out of the blue experience or out of the ordinary interaction with someone before they died or something happened to them. It has happened to me a couple times. This last time though has really made me aware of how I treat people. Of my general outlook on life.
Our day is filled with constant interactions with people. Greetings, apologies, directions, fights, exclamations, love etc. And often, those interactions are muffled by our own selfishness, our own wills and our own bullheadedness to be right or get what we want. But what death has shown me recently is that those interactions could be that person's last. Even if their 74, 25, or just a mere 6 years old going to school for the day.
Those interactions MATTER. Those things we think are mundane matters. Our words matter, our actions matter. Every little thing, chance or planned, whatever-has meaning. It has significance and purpose and is a checkpoint on our journeys into reality and mistakes.
It sounds so cheesy to say this, but after this wave in death Ive seen recently-I find myself consciously thinking of the little things as much as I can. I don't go to bed angry, I forgive easier, I make sure to say goodbye, I make sure to tell those that I love-I love them-every chance I get- I don't let things bother me as much, or ruin my day, and I find myself soaking in my surroundings and experiences wherever I am.
It seems silly. But these things could be our last words, or someone elses last words or memory.
Death is final. It gives no second chances. That's why it's important to give those while we are living.
Death is unexpected. It is often inconvenient, or spiteful. But death will come to all of us. But while we still have the chance to make our time on earth matters it's important to do so.
I guess December is always a sorrowful month. The real deaths in my life have always been in December.
Luckily the Saviour was BORN in December. But regardless, tragedy never seems to be merciful during the woeful 31 days of the end of the year. Maybe it is an odd coincidence. But a phenomena nonetheless, that what is supposed to be such a joyous time of rejoicing and celebrating the holidays, is too often cut short by death.
It's almost the end of December. Which means a new year, with new surprises, new celebrations and new tragedy. I just hope that this new year holds more joy than death. And if death decides to rear it's ugly head, we have no regrets with the people we love.
Be honest. Be happy. Forgive, forget, and look forward to the future however long we may have.
Love, your night owl, Shelby
