More than Country Music

I've been on a country kick lately. I love country music, really I do. You can scoff at me, but I love country music because.. it makes me think. It like, makes this feeling inside me that is pseudo mixed with nostalgia and just thoughtfulness. Autumn does the same thing to me, and so mixed with country music, well, I'm just a mess of thoughtful nostalgic thinking.

Mostly, the best way to sum up what I think about most is the future. Whether that be soon or long-term. But, in short the future. That entails guys, my career, well... my.. life.

Whether I ever get to become one or not, I have a director's mind. I constantly am thinking of scenes in my head. Usually, of my own life. My future, what I imagine it will be. Things I want to say, what to be. It's like this never ending scroll of thoughts in my head.

And for a while I have been thinking about something that dawned on me a couple weeks ago.

I am used to being disappointed. A sad, but true statement. I don't accredit this truth to any one. It's just a truth that has come because of life and it's many downfalls.

But as I was thinking about the future, and thinking about past dreams that have been crushed, I realized that the future is different. It's the future, untouched, pure, unclaimed. It's what, I've been subconsciously clinging to. In the future, especially my nearest future that lies just around high school, doesn't have to be disappointing. I don't have to be disappointed. I am not naive, I know life has trials, nothing is free, and life is not easy, but why do we stay unhappy? I realized that I don't have to be unhappy. I don't have to be in a job I don't want to be. I don't have to be in an unhappy marriage. I can HAVE a love story out of a movie. I can fall in love and be young and happy. I can go after my dreams, I can be a director, I can be a doctor if I want.

I realized that my life doesn't have to be like any other people in my life. I don't have to be in debt. I don't have to have bad blood with my family. I don't have to be unhappy. When I have kids, I can raise them how I want to! I can make my life happy. I don't say that with hesitation.

I believe that God wants us to be happy. He knows these desires, my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my vision. He knows all these scenes I think about for my future. I believe that God knows all my desires. So I don't say it lightly when I say that I know my life will be happy, because I have committed my heart to God.

Honestly though, I am giddy with excitement thinking about it. The metaphorical light bulb

popped up over my head when I realized this. That is why I love the future so much. It's beautifully pure, untouched. But it's not an empty road, it's filled with exciting things. Life, love, (hurts too, but those help us grow.) and experiences. I look at the people around me, and some are miserable where they are. Cynical, bitter and scowling they grumble about where they are. Some, can't control their situations. But others, all it takes is hard work. Work and you can get where you want. Like I said earlier, nothing is free, and it is true. Nothing is free, and the most successful of people will not tell you that they got where they are because of being lazy. They got where they are with God's grace and work. We were granted the God-given power to make decisions. It's just a matter of what decisions you make.

I am the person that when I watch Oscar speeches, I take seriously when they say to not give up and you can achieve your dreams. I'm inspired, and I believe dreams CAN be reached. Who's to tell me that I can't achieve them? Dreams, are a part of our future. They are ultimately a comfort, a hope. Dreams have many a time, my comfort and hope.

The only negative part to dreaming of the future is that you develop an incredible knack for impatience. But that is when I have learned to trust God, and in due time, it will happen. In the best timing.. His timing.

I can't wait for the future. I'm going to continue to be the visionary that I am. Daydream about my future, and eventually I will get to fall in love, be where I want to be, and have my dreams come true. I'm trusting God. That's all I can do. So, I thank Country Music, for bringing this revelation upon me. I'll forever be a faithful follower of your twangy melodies.

Love, your country music fan, Shelby.

It's a Beautiful Thing

I love weddings. As I was sitting here trying to think what to write, and I just got a picture of a bride and groom, and it made me smile. I was racking my brain with deep, CHARGES to people that I could write, but that was making me depressed and I thought, what do I love? I LOVE weddings.

Its the public declaration of your love. The ceremonial form of saying I Love You, and I want to spend my life with you, and so why don't we invite all of the people involved in our lives and let's celebrate that declaration.

I can not tell you enough how I hate the perverse idea of weddings that the media and film has put on weddings. Its just a time to get drunk, to get some action, for families to fight, to spend money...no, a wedding is SO much more than that.

I have never been married. But, I want to. And so does every other girl on the planet I think. Were wired to want love, to be cherished. I believe why weddings are so important to so many girls is that a wedding is telling EVERYONE, that He chose Me. He loves me.

One of my favorite book and movie of all time is Pride & Prejudice. And, to be honest I can't point to some deep psychological reasons why. It ends beautifully, and is like the ultimate love story. What can I say? I'm a sucker for Mr. Darcy. But what I love most about the book is the pureness of their love. It was not love at first sight, but, their love was a deep, hidden, love that grew over time, and became so strong. It makes me have butterflies just thinking about it. I love when weddings have this feeling that's like the one in Pride & Prejudice. This pure, deep love. That's what I love about weddings.

There are other reasons I love weddings. Being of the female race I am raised to love weddings. Ive talked about me seeing the big picture before, and for that reason, when I see weddings, I take everything in. The ambiance. The colors, the sights, the smells, the feeling, everything, I absorb. I am an artist at heart, and so I delight in colors, and coordinating, patterns and textures. A wedding is a time to not only openly share your love and devotion, but to release your artistic expression. Weddings, in my mind, become an art project that you can use to show your personality, and use art as a means to show off your's and your spouse's personality as a couple. A wedding is a piece of art. It's as different as each individual fingerprint. It can be simple, or extravagant, quiet or loud, plain or detailed, but in every case, a wedding is beautiful. Because a wedding is an art show devoted to love and celebration.

There is an important part of weddings that people often look past, simply because it's right before our eyes. Emotion. The emotions going on in a wedding are complex but..beautiful. And all emotions lead to love. The Bride and Groom are in love, which is why they are getting married. The parents, love their children, and for that reason they are letting them go to begin their lives together. And the guests, the guests love the bride and groom, which, whether they realize it or not, are the reason they take part in celebrating in the joy that these people have chosen each other. Weddings are about, as obvious as it sounds... love!

You know and sometimes, I think we take even the word love for granted. It gets tossed around, but it's an emotion that dominates our lives. It's in us, in our subconscious, and therefore in our movies, media, books, magazines, manipulating our emotions. It's that feeling we get when we watch a romantic movie and the characters have a happy ending, or the terrible feeling we get when two people do not end up together.

The first time I read Gone With the Wind (spoiler alert!) and I found out the ending, it literally depressed me for a week. Granted, not every author or director or actor etc can do that to some one (that depends on how well they do at their profession) but, it ruined my week because, Scarlett did not end up with Rhett. He loved her, and she didn't, and then, when it was too late she finally realized how good he was for her. Their marriage failed and it could have been prevented. Oh, that just shattered me for seriously a good week and a half.

Its like this control, in the back of our minds, that affects us whether we like it or not. Our love monitor is what allows us to feel emotional when watching a movie or reading a book, our love monitor can even develop us as a person. Psychologist after psychologist, has pointed problems in people and choices they make later in life, to the fact that they did not get enough love as a child. LOVE. What an emotion.

Its huge, and vast, and complex. Love is one of the only words used as a synonym for God's name. The Bible says itself, God IS Love. He is Beloved. We are his beloved. God doesn't ever say that he just cares for us, or likes us, no, he LOVES Us. Can you believe the God of the Universe would #1 Love us? And #2 Grant us the ability to even slightly be able to feel and comprehend such an emotion as this? Love is more than just an emotion. Its a whole incomprehensible concept, that is put into the very foundation of our beings. I am in awe of Love.

Love is amazing. I began this blog talking about weddings, because I was thinking about what I love. And one of the things I love is weddings. Everything about them. They are a beautiful expression or art and love combined. But what I love most about them, is the root of them. It's not to show off, or just celebrate, it's a time where you can publically DECLARE your love for one another. Love is the root of these beautiful things called weddings.

Excuse my big picture mind when I say that a wedding is more than just a wedding to me. It's beautiful and joyful. It's a declaration of love. And so now I am declaring my love for love, and thanking God for making the concept love, and allowing us to feel and take from this beautiful emotion called love, and create beautiful things like weddings.

I love God. I love Weddings. I love ... Love.

From, your hopeful future bride, Shelby

P.S. Future husband wherever you are, I hope you can swallow all of this.