Dreary Texas Skies

The bleak, flat landscape is plum against the twinkling, pastel sky. The horizon seems boundless, eternal paralleling the soft hues of the sky above it. The stars peak out of their hiding places, as the gentle hazy shades turn into rich, vibrant, florid pigments. The blush turns to magenta, the magenta fuses to deep indigo, and the stars begin to clearly disperse across the deep, psychedelic sky. The only thing obstructing the dome of the chromatic heavens above me is the occasional plateau, or intermittent small mountain, looming over the road, silent, sporadic statues. The land is empty, quiet, still.

Traveling through this place, this place so familiar yet unforgiving to many creates a feeling within each one of us. We are traveling through the land of shadows. We can see them, but we cant hear them, but most of all, we know that they are there.

It is the souls of Texas, deeply rooted in the vast stretches of the somber earth of this wonderful region of the southwest. Texas. It's history, it's people, its identity are so deeply embedded in the acreage that these ideals have become a part of the land.

Texas. It is its own idea, its own character. Unmistakable, lovable,boisterous, rough. This Texas, I am in love with.

I love its infinite, enduring landscape, I love the history that comes with it, and what I really love and what made me realize how much I love Texas in its own way, was its dreary Texas skies.

A few weeks ago I took a trip to Central Texas, and as I had obstinately been set on how much I did not want to go or move to the Hill Country, I ended up doing a complete 180 once I got there. It was as if as much effort I had put into digging my heels into the ground about hating it, I ended up being filled with that much love for it. We stayed with my dad who had currently been living in Round Rock ( a town outside of Austin) in an old refurbished farm house. I remember one night, as I was walking from my dad's apartment to the farmhouse I stopped and dazzled for a moment at my surroundings. I saw the grasslands that surrounded the farm, painted an aqua tint by the moon above it. I looked up and smiled. The sky was painted a royal blue, splattered with bright bursts of stars, and the glorious ivory moon, illuminating everything in its vicinity for miles.

I was immobilized for a moment, lost in the vast beauty of the land of Texas.

It is moments like those that make me appreciate Texas. It's moments like those that make it possible for me to even love the rough around the edges people that come from here. It is moments like those that make my heart well up with joy so much that I can even bear the most po-dunk redneck people that can and do come out of the woodwork once and a while.

Texas translates into Tejas which when first was named, meant friend.

That particular idea, I believe, that without people realizing it, has defined Texas. Texas is warm, and large, and even back in its prime was one of the most inviting places simply for its climate and agriculture. It's no coincidence that it's people can fit the same description. Texans, for the most part, are warm, and inviting. We know how to have a good time, and we always have room for more.

It's this spirit, this cordial air about Texas that really is what makes me so endeared to it.

I love, I adore, Texas. Texas, is also unique. It's history is different from every other state. It's land is so different from any other state. Texas, my Texas is a character. It is its own person, unique in so many different ways, and proud for every part of it.

To live and be a part of Texas, is an honor. It is the best state in the best country, and I am so proud to be able to call myself a part of this state. Texas, my Texas. This is my ode to you. I love your land, your people, your personality. I love your desert, I love your grasslands, I love your hill country, I love you. I love your history. I love that we were a part of the land of cowboys, and saloons. I love that we made what is Western today. Your particular, your unique, your one of a kind, and I would not have it any other way.

So many people have traveled that road. Those long stretches of highways never seeming to cease, with it's bleak land enveloping you, trapping you. When I travel those roads, I simply look up at those dreary Texas skies hanging above me, sprawling its colorful blanket over it's land and thank God that I live in the best state on Earth. Texas.

Love, your proud Texan, Shelby.

Be Crazy

I have recently been saying that I am obsessed with my future...and really, I am.

There's something that is so consuming about our future. I have finally narrowed down why though. Our future is what shapes us. What we choose for a career, who we decide to marry, where we live, they're all huge parts of our lives that make us who we are. As humans, were all searching for a purpose. Who are we really? And what are we doing? The scary thing is, this all begins in...high school.

Ah High School. Since the 20th century, "High School" has been a monumental part of our lives. Thanks to pop-culture, it has been categorized as the time in one's life where they are sandwiched between childhood and adulthood, and are nothing but selfish hooligans. It's almost as if, because of this pop culture, kids have been forced to "carry on the legacy" of packing in 4 trivial years of just play. "High School", is a complex thing to say the least, perhaps its because this is, like I said, where the "soul searching" begins. Whether the kids know it or not.

In Today's high school world, kids are much different than what television and film have built it up to be. Of course, there are and always be cliques, labels, and everything in between.

It just seems like, kids care less though. Its almost as if they have accepted who is who, and then, they move on.

High School does have its high points though. I adore the solidity of tradition that goes along with high school. I love football games with friends, and piling in a friend's recycled car to go to Sonic late at night. I love seeing my best friends every day at school. I love being a part of a team, I love being in clubs, I love being a part of old traditions of high school, like homecoming and prom. I love things like seeing the cycle of seniors leave and the dreaded freshmen enter. Theres something so appealing, and comforting, about the whole "high school" scene. And I actually can't imagine not being a part of it.

High School though, is so much more than that. Its so much more than "fun". I sometimes feel so isolated. Could this be my Christian upbringing? As much as I do love those late nights with friends that I know one day I'll be nostalgic for, I often wonder, when does the frivolity end? Or even worse, do they realize that the whimsicality has to come to an end at some point?

I am enjoying my high school days. But, really, its just a minute chapter in our lives. For most, who we are in high-school, is not what we end up being later in life. And it worries me to think that none of my peers are event thinking that far ahead.

I often feel alone when I think like this. I'm considered the "prude" with a lot of my friends. But, honestly, the way I act has a lot of deeper meaning behind it than what they think of- that I simply "don't" want to do it.

For years, I have dreamed about my future. I have so many ideas, for what I want to do. However, I really just want one thing, and that is, To Change the World.

I realized this on my trip to the Philippines this summer. I was halfway across the world, and I would hear so many different problems going on in the world. And sometimes, I would see just part of the problems going on in the world. It overwhelmed me, more than I can explain.

The emotions were a tumultuous concoction of anger; that I lived in a country with such simple luxuries that most of the rest of the world lived without. I was confused as to why the rest of the world was riddled with so many problems. There were so many emotions, and thoughts swirling around in my head at once, I didn't even know where to begin.

Apple, had a campaign once they called, "Think Different." I fell in love with this. It made the emotions I had confirm inside my mind, because honestly, this is how I felt. I always felt different, and it made me worried that I felt like I was the only one who cared about more than what was going on "this weekend."

I hated to be morphed in peoples minds into the form of being a "selfish high schooler". I am different. I think part of that comes from me following the Bible and it saying that as Christians we should be set apart.

On a school trip once, a few of us were sitting at a Starbucks, when a very good friend of mine suddenly burst out, "Why cant we talk about something that matters?!" I almost reached across the table and kissed him, I was so happy he had said something. It made me think though, how many of us feel that way? I obviously am not the only one, but what is it that is holding us back from saying something?

If I was going to tell my peers anything as of now, it would be that high school ends. Fast.

Why is it that because people assume that because were teenagers, were allowed to be superficial and apathetic. Theres a whole huge world out there, and I honestly don't think that American teenagers today, really can make the cut to handle that cruel, vicious world successfully.

I want to establish that I do not want to be like that. I am not perfect, or righteous, but I am different. Sometimes more than I let on. What I want most is to make a difference. I don't want to lead a quiet life. I want to make a mark, not for my own glory, but so that I know that I didn't leave this world without blessing someone. This world, is so evil and ugly, ravaged by poverty, disease, crime and corruption. But how many of us...care?

High School is such a pivotal time in our lives. It is, like I said, where we begin to establish who we are. I have so much to say about this because, I am, in high school, and I see what goes on everyday in "high school."

My generation worries me. I don't believe that they see the big picture, and if they do think about what goes on after high school, all they are thinking about is them, and them only.

How much money they will make etc... But what we should be thinking about is what kind of person are we going to be?

Do we want to be the person that people, even strangers, will remember us for the little things we can bless them with? Or do we want to be the person, people will always remember for being such a schmuck, even if its something trivial.

A concept I have been pondering recently is when did we as a country become so closed off?

Where is the warmth? And...as corny as this sounds... where is the love? If everybody made a conscious effort to be kinder to people everyday, I promise it would stick with people and they would most likely be motivated to do the same thing.

I am in awe of the frivolity of most American's lives. Think about it, in the greater scheme of life, what is really going to matter? WE have to start caring about things that matter, things that will make a difference. I cannot stress enough how desperate I am to see this world be changed. I am so burdened, and it exasperates me just to think about trying to fix it alone. In whatever career path I choose, I know that I'll make a difference because I consider it my specific duty. I may be alone in my ideas, but one person can make the most difference.

I want to change the world, and whether I have to do it alone or not, I know somehow, I can try to help the endless network of problems going on in the world.

Love, your crazy one, Shelby.

Consuming Waters

The ocean. Since the beginning of time, this has been something that has captivated anyone and everyone who comes in contact with it.

Recently, I was in the Philippines for around 5 weeks. The Philippines (as you should know) is made up of 7,000 islands. Being surrounded by water, you have no choice but to give in to the caresses of the ocean and completely embrace it.

The first time I felt like I really experienced the ocean was on my flight to the Philippines. It was dark, and the plane was quiet as I looked around to see most people with their sleeping masks and blankets covering them. I opened the window blind and was completely in awe of what I saw. The clouds had cleared, and the moon was like a lamp illuminating the ocean. The light flickered off the ripples of the water, and all I could see for what seemed like forever was that dark, endless pool of waves.

The ocean has this way of putting a sense of fear, yet curiosity in someone. Its vast unknown has a peculiar way of drawing you in and allowing you to be enveloped in its power.

It is a beautiful, scary thing.

Once, when I was on a boat staring down at the emerald waters that faded into dark rolling ripples.. I wondered.. how much is under me? This sense of unknown completely baffled, yet captivated me. What, did we not know about the ocean. There must be so much. And the scarier part... it takes up nearly three quarters of the earth.

I looked at the old man standing on the edge of the boat. I wondered what he thought of the sea. I wondered about his rough calloused hands from years of working on boats. I wondered about his dry feet, and the years of being abused with saltwater, and how they had conformed to the shape for working on a boat. But, What I loved most about this man was his face. His withered face seemed to almost depict the stories of the hard life he had. But, through his course, sea salt hair to the contours of his wrinkles, you could see contentment in the mans eyes. Standing on the edge of the boat, with the wind and sea water hitting his face, you could see, this, this is the place he wanted to be. The sea had won with this man... and he seemed completely fine with it. The ocean, the water... this was where he was meant to be. I wonder when was the first time he was bewitched by the ocean, but it was clear that when it happened... he let himself be completely enveloped by it.

The ocean is a peculiar thing. It is vast. Huge. Enticing. And I think, in an odd way, its not just beauty, but fear is what draws us to the ocean. The fear of the unknown. As humans, our curiosity can often consume us. Its our simple nature that draws us. Maybe, thats the reason why so many people spend their whole lives exploring the ocean.

This man will forever be ingrained on my memory. The memory of him standing on the tip of the boat. Letting the ocean surround him. He was safe in the presence of the water. Comfortable. Content.

I often have a hidden interest. That if I was to ever pick an odd career or hobby it would be sailing. Although, I have only been around and in the ocean a few times. I know that it is something I keep close to my heart. A secret passion I have.

The ocean enchants me. It is unpredictable, dangerous and unfathomed. And perhaps that is the very reason I wish to go back. The thrill of the ocean.

It is a dazzling, enticing and ultimately consuming. And I love it.

Til we meet again sweet waters of the sea.

Love, your sailor at heart, Shelby

The Biggest Small Town

As I prepare to depart for the Philippines this summer, I find myself taking in all of El Paso.

El Paso. There is literally no other place like it, I grew up here, and for that I am forever connected to it. As much as some people hate El Paso, I don't. I do in fact get tired of it, but there is times, when I really love El Paso. Especially when I return to it after being away a while. Once, about last spring I was sitting in the car with my sister. We were driving down the freeway, the window was open, and there was ranchero music ringing in my ears from the radio, I closed my eyes, and for some reason, at that moment I remember falling in love with El Paso.

El Paso is a unique city. There are many reasons why I love El Paso, its been said that El Paso is the biggest small town you'll ever see, and its true. Everyone I know in El Paso is connected somehow to another person. Not to mention the food, its Mexican food is world renowned (maybe its because were right next to Mexico?) but nonetheless, the outstanding Mexican food is something I pride myself on when telling other people I'm from El Paso.

El Paso is also called the Sun City. Now, for me this is something I have mixed feelings on. El Paso promises to have sun 360 days out of the year. And lemme tell you, Good Ol' El Paso doesn't bluff. And as much as this can get irritating having so much sun, I have learned that it is kind of a package deal when you get El Paso. So if you don't like sun, your going to have a problem, its better to just embrace the sun.

Theres moments, I have while living here, (like the one I mentioned earlier) that make me love El Paso even more. Like when I am walking back from the Burrito Truck at lunch, where I didnt have enough coins to make 3.00 for the burrito and Takis and the Mexican man took my 2.85 instead and said that was good enough. Things like that, I thought while walking back and listening to the mariachis blaring from radios, and the cholos sitting on the porch, this is what El Paso is all about.

El Paso is this odd mix of cultures. The Mexican-American relationship that is prominent in El Paso is something I have held close to my heart. A mother of one of my very good friends once told me I had a Mexican Heart. (Please don't get me wrong, I love America, and I am fully a patriot but hey whats wrong with a little cultural expansion right?) Anyways, when she told me that, I was honored. She meant it in the sense that I am like an honorary Mexican. And I was honored because being around this culture so much in my life, I do feel like an honorary mexican.

To some, El Paso never changes. This is sometimes a problem, but in an odd secret way, I kind of like the fact that El Paso doesn't change. I know one day, I will leave El Paso, and I know when I come home to visit, I want the same El Paso. I want to see the same rugged desert mountains greeting me with their towering form and letting me know I'm home. The simple El Paso that is unique and quirky. Its special little treasures that we pride ourselves on, Chico's Tacos, Scenic Drive, El Paso High, our sunsets, Music Under the Stars, the Franklin Mountains covered with poppies in the spring.

I realize that El Paso has its problems, but when I sat in the car (yet again), I looked out the window to see a truck filled with cantaloupes on the corner of a gas station parking lot, and a for sale sign, I saw El Paso yet again, in its raw form. It's cheap sophistication, and simple people showing through that make me contented to say I am from El Paso, Texas.

El Paso is this large (yet small-town feeling) city, it is simple and commonplace. We're nothing elegant, extravagant, or glamorous. But we are proud of who we are and our simple treasures.

We are who we are, us El Pasoans, bonded by a strange connection to El Paso, and I hope we never change.

Viva El Paso.

Love, down from the West Texas town of El Paso, Shelby.

Nostalgia

I promised that I would write about my family. But... hey, this is my blog and to be completely honest, I dont feel like writing a detailed description on each and every member of my family right now. But, I promise one day to do so.

What is it about summer that makes people feel so...good? Is it the whimsicality? The carefree feeling that comes after you've started to get antsy from being in school so long? The what seems like endless time to fill your day with petty activities? There is something about summer that makes everything seem so fresh, and wonderful. Even the word, summer rolls off the tongue as smooth as freshly churned ice cream.

Summer is enticing... and I think the whole world understands that. I think thats why, for example fruit, grows best in those summer months. The weather, (usually) is the most enjoyable. And people seem happier in the summer. It seems like the whole world before those summer months, wait, and almost seem dormant, wistful, as if their simply twiddling their thumbs anticipating that first hint of summer.

Well, its only human to have a burning desire to have a period of time to do nothing. I mean who doesn't love to be carefree, especially when for the majority of the year were stuck going through the motions of our monotonous lives. I have pondered this idea of why summer is so... great, while licking an ice cream cone with the windows rolled down and the warm wind hitting my face and brushing through my hair. (I often get quite absorbed in thought while riding in the car for some reason.) To tell you the truth, the reason why people love summer is it is almost always the case that it is filled with nostalgia.

Ah, sweet, sweet nostalgia. It is bittersweet, yet usually wonderful. And usually when I think about nostalgia, my mind goes back to the summers of my childhood.

I loved, loved my summers as a kid. Recently, I was standing outside of a restraunt, just enjoying the sunset, and there it was...wafting up my nose, the familiar scent of my childhood. Surrounding me with its loving grasp, and enveloping me into its sweet embrace. Letting me rest in its arms. I believe it was hot dogs and beer, but that smell, made me feel like I was at home.

My summers were spent, nearly every day at the El Paso Diablo Baseball Club. (My dad was the Operations Manager.) I would go every single night to watch the Diablos, and I fell in love with everything about it. It became comforting to me, and even now when I think about it, I feel a familiar peace come over me. When I think about the Diablos, I think of 25 cent hot dogs, beer, fresh cut grass, peanuts, seeing my grandma in her same seat in section 7, being a baby chicken for the San Diego Chicken mascot, spending hours on bunker hill, playing in the press box, birthday parties at the All-Star Cafe, counting cars with my dad, even my dads co-workers and employees... Richard, Bernie, Manny... the list could go on, but I think I put it into perspective.

Although, I did have aspects of summers like other kids, endless days in the pool, where I spent so much time my hair started to have a green tint. Countless meals that consisted just of mac and cheese, hot dogs and popsicles. (My favorite were the ones shaped like crayons.) But, my most special memory is of the countless summer nights spent at the Diablos. Baseball holds a special sentiment in my heart. Maybe its because, that was a time in mine and my family's life that everything seemed... O.K.

I miss the stability, the people, the smells, the sights, I miss the Diablos.

I have learned that sometimes in life, its better to look at the past and be happy that God blessed you with such good times. Sometimes, you have to face the present, and just take it. Its true, I miss the Diablos, and the memories of my childhood, but I cant go back. I must look forward, and be ready to make new memories.

So here's to new memories. And here's to old ones, the ones that when we look back on and reminisce, we feel like were at home again. So Here's to The Diablos. Heres to summer.

Love, your die-hard baseball fan, Shelby.

Completing the Puzzle

Family. We all have one. And we all know what they can be like. I promise you this wont be the last time I talk about family, because, lets face it, their a big part of our lives whether we like it or not.

Family, what is there to say? Ive heard the statement that nobody realizes how weird their family is until their finally around other peoples familys. And the truth? Its true. I grew up with a very loud family, bordering on being redneck and always stating their opinion no matter whos around. While some people may not agree with a family like this, I feel like thats the right kind of family. (Not a redneck one, but a very vocal one.) Some people have turned their family gatherings into fake smiles, and clearance gifts. No, this isnt how family is supposed to be. Family is supposed to be real. Its supposed to be the people that not only know you the best, but love you for it.

Every family, no matter who you are, has problems. I can guarantee you that I will never meet a family in my life that doesnt have problems. The great thing about that though, is those problems and our families mold us to who we are. Adversity forms us, shapes us, and ultimately helps us. My family has struggled with near death experiences, actual deaths, and extreme financial hardship. But, in an odd way, Im glad for that. With death, I have become angry and then forgiven God, which has shaped my heart and made it softer and compassionate. With near death experiences (especially with my dad) I have become very aware of how precious life is, and how quickly someone can go, and also, how God loves someone enough to give them second or third chances.
Financial hardship... phew, this one I could go on and on about. Money, especially in America is this common bond through everything, and it fuels everything. Well, when you have this rocky road with money, especially when raising a family, well, lets just say... there are not many harder trials someone can go through, than being, destitute. It pulls you down so far, where you are at your wits end, and you feel like all that is left of you after so much wearing down is the very sinews and ligaments...trying to keep you together. And the only thing you can do, is hope. Hope and Pray.

The great, great thing is though, Family gets us through it. God, whom I love, chose us, to be a family. He self picked each and every member of a family. Does anyone ever think about that?
God put us in a family for a purpose. Isnt that odd? Sometimes, I wonder who I would be if God didnt put me in the family I am in. Trust me, I definitely have problems with them, and sometimes.... I wish I could be as far away as possible from them simply because I dont want to jump across the table and tackle them. But I am glad God put me in this family.

Family, to me, should be your biggest supporters. But, they should also be open to a little teasing now and then, because hey, who better to tease you than the people who know you best?

Families are not always what we want them to be, their dysfunctional, rude, blatent, harsh, condescending, annoying and embarrasing. But the thing we have to accept is, they're family. And there is nothing you can do to change that. We must remember we are all human. All trying to find a purpose in our lives. But if you ever forget that, just remember a purpose we already have is to love our family God gave us, and complete the puzzle God made when he was creating our families.

P.S. For my next 5 segments (give or take) I will write about each member of my family... from my take. I think hearing about my family will give you a better picture of me.

Love, your last link of the Hicks 6, Shelby.

The Beginning

Writing a blog has long been a desire of mine. But my own busy schedule and absentmindedness has allowed me to forget and put it off. But now, now I am ready to write. It is the beginning of summer, and my mind already feels like an unopened box just building up with anticipation to be opened, and I have a hefty amount of time to share my thoughts.

Writing, has allowed me to access the innermost depths of my rambling soul so people can finally see me. The real me. I love writing simply because I can control the person see me as, instead having people assume things. Writing, is therapeutic for me, and I love that I was blessed with a knowledge of words. This blog will be short, because I basically want to start off simple. I love writing and I want to share my thoughts.

So, heres to the beginning. A new start. Fresh and in sync with the new feeling of summer. I hope you enjoy reading my blog as much I enjoy writing and sharing.

Love, your ambitious wordsmith, Shelby.